Inside Billy’s Brain
Life Coach
The exact year of the agreement escapes me; however I do know that it’s been established for at least probably a decade. Two sides, non-combative, join in discussions and peacefully talk about an issue or subject that creates tension between them. When a compromise has been accepted, it becomes binding and both parties can feel good about their positive gains.
Common disputes that require some type of arbitration can include property line boundaries, water abatement on land after some major excavation work, parking spaces – if you happen to live in a large populated urban area, noise pollution if a neighbor enjoys mowing after the sun goes down or playing crappy music at full volume during nappy time.
The holidays can bring out the best and/or the worst scenarios for crushing an accord that may have previously been reached. One faction might take advantage of the “good will toward men” vibe and trod all over the pact. Another faction could claim absolution and insist that all bets are off during the winter solstice or after “guilt eating” Aunt Beth’s deviled eggs.
Rivaling countries that are at war with the other herald announcements with relative abandon during an armed conflict, advertising their willingness to delay aggressions for a set period of time; otherwise known as a ceasefire. The same philosophy is also true in smaller, less globally impactful negotiations.
The joy of gift giving during Christmas is a unique yet awkwardly sensitive season where good intentions can run amuck. The desire to express love or affection toward someone in the home or office might have the complete reverse affect and spawn dissention and be misinterpreted.
A decision many years ago to give my employees a hand carved wooden tree ornament of the nativity was not appreciated by the Muslims I had on staff. The mangers were promptly returned during their next shifts on duty.
An energetic, up-and-coming young manager I had trained to run a couple of stores decided that perfume and cologne for his personnel would be a gracious gesture. A few husbands thought otherwise and a few wives questioned which side of fence he was on. The quality of the ‘Strawberry Mist’ and ‘Rocky Mountain Musk’ should have been played off as a joke, but his sincerity would not allow it.
There aren’t any written rules between couples to the protocol of giving or receiving presents; verbal communications regarding the matter will usually minimize or eliminate any angst. The key element is to actually abide to those previous understandings and not waiver; easier said than done.
“I really don’t need or want anything, Sweetheart. Let’s save the money and just enjoy our time together.” Everyone I presume has uttered these words or something very similar to them, and they’re true….for the most part if I’m being honest. It brings joy and happiness to hand someone special that symbol showing how much you care. Likewise, being the recipient of an equally thoughtful token of admiration warms the heart. There are, however, some caveats.
Buying clothes for a woman requires getting a size smaller than what you think they really are; it’s physiological. And she knows it’s intentional, but it still works. Purses and shoes never go over well, but if you have to, make them high dollar so she can exchange them later for what she likes or can pocket the cash.
Tool belts, tackle boxes or blue jeans that have rhinestones are frowned upon in the man’s eyes. None of them ever look right, work right or project his own vision of his masculinity. It's best to just stay with a flannel shirt and another pair of slippers.
I wonder if Wayne State or Northeast Community College has a degree program in marital intuitiveness. I could hang my shingle somewhere on State Street; help folks out there struggling for answers. A complimentary gift wrapping station would be in the back for anyone who commits to four, half hour sessions.
*NOTE: This advice good for birthdays, anniversaries, annulments and future Christmases.
