How to Run a Newspaper
September 13, 1961 A newspaper editor in Montana placed his tongue firmly in his cheek the other day and composed a list of
answers to a questionnaire on what a
weekly newspaper subscriber would like to read. Here are the responses to
what the average reader desires to see: My name. A front-page article showing how crooked the city government is most of the time.
My wife's name.
A feature article showing 25 ways on how to cheat on income tax forms.
My kids' names. A local news item about the affair my neighbor is having.
A classified ad offering a new home for sale for $4,000.
More news about law-breakers. Less news about law-breakers. I was picked up last night and I should not have to pay a fine.
An editorial con demning high school t eachers for being too liberal with "F's." A wedding picture of the groom instead of the bride when he is more handsome than she is pretty.
A sports picture of me when I bowled 183.
More advertisements on things that merchants are giving away.
A front-page picture of my neighbor being hauled out of the bar by his wife.
A front page spread about the deadbeat who lives across the street from me who just had his car repossessed.
Forget the last one. I just got word from the finance company that they're coming after my car.
More letters to the editor naming the crooks we have in town.
A full page of local news, a full page of national news, 16 pages of sports, 26 pages of comics, one page on divorces and three pages on all the domestic troubles we are having in town.
Less stuff about how cute everybody else's kids are. My kids are better looking than those you rave on about.
A complete biographical sketch about the “most important citizen
in town," and be sure you spell my name right.
